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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Andy's Grabby Picks #1- Best Leather Video

In preparation for the upcoming Grabbys Gay Porn Awards, we here at Cortezified decided to come up with our own version of the Oscar's Pre-show you'd see on E!. So, each week until the show, we are posting our best guesses for who will win in each category. Most of them we could give two shits about and some of them, we wouldn't know the first thing about, but hey, at least our posts will be entertaining and just long enough to give your wanking arm a nice break between XTube videos.

First up this week, is "Best Leather Video". Here's a look at the nominees and our non-scientific, best guesses at the percentage, or chance, they have of winning:


75% "Folsom Flesh"-Titan Men

Just the fact that this movie was released on Blu-Ray™ is kind of impressive in our minds, even though we have our reservations on the topic. As for the movie itself, we really enjoy the no-frills style of this video. Especially the use of a strategically-placed TV set that shows you the view from the other side of the room. Plus, minus the piss, the sex is actually really hot with submissive cuties and hunky masters. We give Folsom Flesh a 75% chance of taking home Grabby Gold.




40% "Limits"-Mustang

I'm sometimes in shock at what the human body is capable of taking. No, that wasn't meant to be a poorly executed pun, I'm serious. When I was watching "Limits", I was definitely turned on by the muscular, glistening bodies and great use of lighting in those dark sets, but I was more so in shock at the way the movie made good on it's name and tested the limits of sexual exploration. Some really good stuff that I may just have to try out soon. We give Limits a 40% chance simply because of our next entry...


75% "Man Hole 2"-Mustang

You know what they say about sequels sucking more than the original? Well fuck them, fuck them chained up against the wall and gagged, because "Man Hole 2" definitely shits on that saying. There's really nothing to say about this movie, you just have to watch it. Some of these scenes are just too hot to handle. We give Man hole 2 a tied 75% with Folsom Flesh because both videos are absolutely hot in their own insane ways.


35% "Menace"-Raging Stallion Studios

I'm going to be completely honest and say I didn't see this film. But from what I can tell from my friends who have, they can't stop watching. That said though, I'm still convinced it won't hold up to our earlier entries. Not even a two-disc set.


15% "Reckless" & "Skuff 4"-Hot House Entertainment


Aah, Hot House Entertainment, what can't we say about you that hasn't already been said? One thing I will say, is that both nominees from them won't take home a Grabby this year. After watching five minutes of both movies I was uninterested and not pulled into it. Look, I understand it's porn and it's not exactly an oscar they're going for, but come on. I need to believe SOMETHING. The sex seemed dull for all parties involved and quite frankly, the cast seems surprisingly run-of-the-mill in both movies. Both Skuff4 and Reckless each have a 15% chance of winning Grabbys


65% "Taken: To The Lowest Level" & 30% "Tread Heavy"-Channel 1 Releasing

While we like both movies ("Taken" much more than "Treat" actually), the only reason we would give these two films as high a chance at Grabbys this year is the sheer fact that Chi Chi LaRue is hosting the show. Good, but not good enough. We give "Taken" a 65% chance and "Tread Heavy" a 30% chance of winning Grabbys.

EDIT: We originally gave both films an equal shot of 40% at winning, but after closer review, we have put "Taken" far ahead of "Tread Heavy". We frankly feel that "Tread Heavy" is just plain stupid and should not be grouped with an actual good smut film like "Taken".


15% "XXX"-Mustang


We just really couldn't get into this as a "Leather" movie. To be honest it was just a bunch of hunks sucking and fucking each other. Don't get us wrong, that's not a bad thing, but there just wasn't enough leather to really call it a leather movie in our opinion. At least not enough to hold up against any of the movies above. We give "XXX" a 15% chance of winning a Grabby.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Smell that?! It Smells Like Dirty, Dirty Butt Sex...


Ah, springtime in Chicago, there's nothing like it! The air gets warmer and the smell of freshly polished leather and lube fills the air!

The season of porn is among us as we draw closer to the 2010 IML and Grabbys. Soon, porn stars from all over the world will converge on my little town to strut their stuff and pat themselves on the back for another year of "hard" work sucking dick and plowing ass.

In celebration of the season that is upon us, the writing staff here at Cortezified (consisting of myself and my two Beagle pups Lucky and Baloo) will be taking a look at the nominees in each category and presenting our best guesses as to who will win and why.

Oh, and we're re-launching this blog at the same time since I'm getting laid off and need something to do to pass the time I should be looking for a job with.

Check back tomorrow for the first two categories; "Best Leather Movie" and commonly misspelled (at least at the Grabbys) "Best Videography"